RELATIONSHIP FRIDAYS!!!!!

When Your Partner Cheats: Healing From Infidelity or Not!

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity, which can reduce a marriage to rubble, shattering trust and creating a breeding ground for insecurity, mistrust and resentment.
Reliable statistics on the frequency of marital infidelity are hard to come by because affairs can't be objectively measured like divorce and marriage. Furthermore, researchers say there is only a few people that admit this act has happened to them.

One often-cited expert, Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth,(One of my healing books) estimates that 60 percent of husbands/spouses and 40 percent of wives will have an affair at some point in their marriage; however, less than 10 percent of people who have affairs divorce and marry their lovers.

Infidelity Is Not a Death Sentence, As painful and devastating as infidelity is, I think it is a wound that can be healed — slowly and maybe with an ass whooping. Couples who are coping with an affair: Infidelity is a sometimes treatable crisis. Sound like a monumental task? It is, It takes strength to trust the betrayed and betrayer can heal from infidelity just as slow as the relationship started, but because of my past relationship (with a chronic flirt and "alleged" cheat that never admitted cheating) I don't advocate staying together. I think it matters on how it was done, Was I disrespected in their act? Where the act took place?, How many times has the act occurred?, and Can I trust that this act wont happen again?....However, People are different and in my current marriage, I would probably give it another go based on those questions and could I live with the fact that, I took her back; No matter how bleak and dark things are at that moment I know it would be different. virtually marriages can be brought back form the brink of splitting up, with cooperation from both parties. First and foremost, there is no "quick fix" to repair the damage caused by unfaithfulness. The process takes time — often years — and you need a great deal of patience to handle the disappointment and disillusionment along the way. "Be prepared for many 'back to square ones,'"and setbacks will diminish over time.

What the Unfaithful Party Needs to Do:
Be brutally honest about the affair. The unfaithful has to be able to talk about the affair as often and in as much depth and detail as the partner desires. We as Women in particular, need to know why it happened. We feel that unless we uncover the root (cause of the affair), it could happen again. The truth also facilitates healing by short-circuiting the imagination. What the betrayed imagines took place is usually much worse than what actually imagined and at times visa verse. If talking about the affair is intensely uncomfortable, you may want to work with a family therapist or marriage counselor to get past initial minefields but definitely not family from either sides because they will always be for their family at the end of the day, and be prepared for a change in your mates behavior they may not be able to go back to the way things were that easily.

What the Couple Needs to Do:
Talk things out about the future needs and wants, be patient with each other as you both heal, and be prepared that getting back together may not be the best plan for your individual futures.